How to keep going has been the hardest part for me. How can I keep going without you in this new life?  People often tell me to think of you when I feel down. They also say that you are here with me. I wish people would understand how none of these statements help me. 

I have no other choice than to keep going. I have your stepdad, your siblings, your dad, your grandparents, your aunts, your cousins and my friends. I would never cause pain to anyone I love on purpose. 

I love your siblings with all my heart, and I know they are grieving themselves, and that as their mother, I need to support them and help them through this process. 

I remember telling you many times to take care of yourself because I couldn't make it without you. You used to respond to me that I had two other children that would still need me to be fine.

I am not going to lie; there have been times I have felt so sad and depressed that all I wanted was to be with you. The thing is, my love for your siblings is so big, that I have no other choice than to get up and keep going. Every day I wake up and manage to work and do what is expected of me. I want to make you proud. You thought I was the strongest woman you knew. I am planning NOT to disappoint you.