Nick, I think about you all the time. I think about what you would say to me.  What would you have wanted me to do?

I think you are watching me all the time. I wonder if you are happy and at peace, if you are better there than here. Son, I know this was an accident and that you would have never wanted to cause us any pain.

I am learning to forgive you for being so careless. I have pictures of you everywhere; I really don't need these pictures to remind me of you. Your face, your voice, your smile, your hugs; every part of you is with me at all times. I will always have you present in everything I do and experience. You were a part of me, and your death doesn't change my love for you or your presence in my life.  I see you in your brother, in your dad and in your sister. Your love for me is what has helped me to keep going so far. I try to think of you as someone who is now watching out for me and your siblings. I imagine you with a huge smile telling me how proud you are of me. I will continue to make you proud, my son.